Cristiano Ronaldo gets buckets and buckets of shade thrown his way. And maybe that’s fair because he has a shirt allergy and he allegedly sexts girls with boyfriends things like, "Yes, beautiful. But it is difficult. I do not want to know man. I want to meet you." But it’s hard not to believe that underlying that hate is a whole lot of envy; that maybe if Ronaldo were less of a sit-up machine and more of a slovenly pizza-chugging regular guy, the world would have less of a problem with him.
Well, good news! Yesterday we brought you the gift that was angry Ronaldo, well, today there's fat Ronaldo!
He donned a fat suit and disguise and hit the streets of Madrid to surprise some Spanish passers-by. And, first of all, OF COURSE Ronaldo's fat suit has abs.
But if you look past his dadbod six-pack, he's just like us: He looks like he eats too much Chipotle! His beard looks like a dead muskrat! Girls aren't giving him their phone number! And all that playful teasing with the soccer ball—the laugh of the old man, the wide-eyed wonder of the boy who just met his idol—is so wonderfully endearing for a man who rarely gets to experience our love. And then you watch it a second time, and you realize that even on concrete while wearing a fat suit and vision-obstructing facial hair, Ronaldo is still far better at soccer than you are at anything, so you head off to shame-eat a double-meat burrito at Chipotle, thinking that maybe that girl did end up coming back to give Ronaldo her number, and maybe all love fades into the ether like a whisper in the wind, after all.
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