1. The Hot Guy
This guy is super attractive. Women’s heads turn when you walk into a party with him. It’s a great ego boost until you overhear people wondering why he’s with you. And you never thought of yourself as unattractive before! That’s relativity for you. Also, he focuses on going to the gym a little too much. Oh well, next.
2. The Cool Guy
This guy has heard of bands, beers, and even countries that you haven’t. He knows everything that’s on-trend, and you know by what he’s wearing right now what shoes guys will be wearing next year. To be honest, it’s a little exhausting to date him. You have to buy a whole new wardrobe and reevaluate your taste in music. So, you move on.
3. The Ambitious Guy
Your mom loves this one. He has an internship at an investment bank, then he becomes an analyst. Or else he’s in academics and on track to get his PhD before age 27. Either way, you barely ever see him. Sorry, Mom.
4. The Brilliant Guy
This guy reads three books a day and still has time to analyze the latest indie film. He excels at work and at leisure, but his leisure is basically reading books and being the smartest commenter on reddit. You leave when you start fantasizing about The Hot Guy again.
5. The Guy Who Always Liked You
This is the guy who had a crush on you since 5th grade. You’ve always stayed friends and one day you gave in and made out with him. Now he is obsessed with you, but you’re still lukewarm on him. We know if this was a romantic comedy, you’d fall head over heels for him, but it’s not. So, you let him down gently and skedaddle.
6. The Partier
You met this guy at a party and ran into him at two other parties that month. When you started dating, you realized that this wasn’t fate at all; it’s just because he goes to every single party within a 20 mile radius. He’s also always wasted. You leave when you start stalking The Brilliant Guy on reddit.
7. The Perfect on Paper Guy
Your mom is excited about this one too. You find him online, or you’re set up by a mutual friend. He went to a great school, has a great job, is good looking and athletic. You don’t feel a spark on the first date, but you feel silly just ending things since he seems so great to everyone else. After a few weeks, you have to admit to yourself that you’re just not that into him. You try to let your mom down gently.
8. The Guy in a Band
This guy seems really awesome, especially when he writes a song about you. He seems less awesome when you realize that he’s 26 and considers his primary job to be playing guitar in his friend’s garage. Also, some other chick said that song was about her. He’s secretly happy when you end things, because it gives him inspiration for a breakup ballad.
9. The Older Guy
It’s refreshing to be with someone who knows what restaurants are good. . . in Italy. He’s also a great kisser and very smart. You always feel like he’s on a different page, though, and he uses full sentences when texting. It starts to feel a little like texting with your dad, so you have to say arrivederci.
10. The One
Not a minute too soon, The One arrives on the scene. Smart, handsome, warm, honest, and kind, you know right away that you’re in love, but you don’t tell him until a few months in. Whereupon he says he knew you were The One for him right away too. Ah, love.
Disclaimer: sometimes people have multiple “The Ones.” But for the purposes of this article, we will not dwell on that. And if you end things with one The One, date some others from the list to get your groove back and then get back out there looking for The Next One.
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